Boninovo Love Locks Burnish Suicide Safety Net

"Love locks" on a fence erected to prevent suicides high over the Adriatic Sea in Dubrovnik, Croatia.
Two New Jersey women continue to fight back years after a cluster of young adult suicides in their beach town. Photo: Author’s own.

On a dizzying cliff in Boninovo, Croatia, high above the Adriatic, padlocks of all shapes and colors cling to a chain-link fence, couple’s names engraved or Sharpied on their metal flanks, their keys flung into the sea below in dramatic pledges of undying love.

“Love Lock” sites like this one have multiplied around the world, from Paris to Moscow to Prague, their origins unclear, an Italian novel and an ancient Chinese tradition mentioned as possible inspirations.

In Boninovo, however, there is more to this story. The three-foot fence glittering with hundreds of locks was placed there by local officials as a suicide prevention barrier. A 2015 study in Lancet Psychiatry supports the premise that restricting access to a suicide ‘hot spot’ can delay the action, allowing time for intervention.

More than 800,000 individuals each year take their own lives, according to World Health Organization estimates. In September, Suicide Prevention Month,  communities around the globe encourage citizens to “Connect, Communicate and Care” through events ranging from bike rides to concerts to candlelight vigils to butterfly releases.

Community engagement is key to reducing suicide. Today, I’m highlighting two courageous suicide prevention and awareness initiatives in my own community, a family-friendly beach town primarily renowned for its surfing beaches until a cluster of young adult suicides in the last decade aimed a more somber spotlight on us.

The first is WITHOUT TIM (Lisa Schenke, 2013), a brave and candid book by local resident Lisa Schenke, whose oldest son Tim was the first to take his life in this cluster. After Tim’s death, Lisa became passionate about getting the message out to struggling teens and young adults to celebrate and embrace life, and assisting others through the grieving process after a loss of a child or loved one. Her book chronicles her journey through the years just after Tim’s death as she grieves and rebuilds her relationships with her family, other struggling youth, the community, God, and—most difficult of all—herself.

This morning, Lisa will once again lead Team Timfinite during the sixth annual Jersey Shore Out of the Darkness Walk, an event she helped to spearhead and actively promotes. Learn more about Lisa and her resources for teens, parents, family and friends in the face of suicide at withouttim.com.

The second local initiative is You Can NOT Be Replaced®, launched in 2013 in response to the seventh local high school suicide in the cluster. Founded by Melissa and Chip Dayton, parents of eight children, You Can NOT Be Replaced emphasizes the irreplaceable value of life and the power and influence each person has to impact others for good.

Through outreach to schools and community organizations, the You Can NOT Be Replaced program and passable wristband project has impacted 31,000 students across the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Australia.

Additionally, Melissa Dayton has authored Crushed: When Parenting is Hard: A Journey to Strength and Hope (CreateSpace, 2016), a guidebook designed to help those struggling with the challenges of parenting.

Both of these works by my friends and fellow authors are excellent resources to engage families and communities not only in suicide prevention but also in positive parenting.

Resurrecting a Darling: Mia’s Story, Part 2

Cemetery, Dubrovnik, Croatia. Photo credit: Author's own
Cemetery Boninovo (Dubrovnik, Croatia). Photo credit: Author’s own

When we left off in Part 1 of this four-part serial, artist Mia Bailey, a DELIVER HER darling whose back story was snuffed during the novel’s editing, had returned home after receiving a troubling message from a prison case worker regarding inmate Felix Delgado, Mia’s birth father.

Missed Part 1 of “Still Life?” Catch up here.

Alarmed, I scanned my mother’s face for evidence the caseworker had connected to champion Delgado’s cause. “About what?”

“Your paintbrushes, silly.”

“Right.” I sagged onto the porch steps in relief, recalling my text to her from the art depot, and offered her my bag. Reaching inside, she stroked the mongoose’s angled tips. “Perfect, Mia. I know you’ll do great things with them.”

With that, she stood and stretched, and I followed suit, trailing her into Swiftriver, the store redolent of cedar and cumin. For the next few days, I wrestled with the caseworker’s request before deciding to drive down to the Concord jail.

That’s how I found myself in the prison parking lot deconstructing the visitors’ clothing. Across its concrete campus, the penitentiary operated a sign shop, print shop, and a tailor – a regular maximum security Main Street – churning out products with names like GraniteCor and JailTuff. Somewhere on this cement horizon, Felix Delgado lounged on a JailTuff cot, reading his bible—a model prisoner, sober, reborn. The man even led a prayer group, the caseworker contributed in a subsequent call, ticking off the prisoner’s fine points like a girlfriend coaxing me into a blind date.

Padre nuestro que estás en los cielos. My lips moved with childhood supplications, echoing my birth mother’s unanswered prayers. Damn him for playing the cancer card. If we did meet, would he still tower over my five and a half feet, stare back at me with my own pewter eyes? If my steely black curls came from him, would his be dusty with age? And if my words provoked him, as my birth mother’s often had, who would shield me from his fury?

He only asked for a few minutes. And the world. Conflicted, I turned on the radio and drove out of the prison gates.

Back home again, in our apartment over Swiftriver, I found only my mother, my father out tending to the latest crisis of his preservation society, a band determined to restore The Old Man of the Mountain, the jagged profile nature hewed from Franconia rock. A decade ago, his society employed all manner of engineering to cleave the deteriorating formation to its mountain base. In the end, neither the iron net of chains nor the cement band-aids they fabricated could prevent Great Stone Face from crumbling on a May morning after a late spring snow.

My father grieved, The Old Man in his blood from the winters he skied Cannon Mountain as a boy. He tried to instill this passion in me, but I only read disapproval in all the silhouette’s sharp, angry angles. A year after it fell, he took me up to the scenic overlook his society constructed. Hoisting me onto the viewfinder’s pebbled step, he slid a New Hampshire quarter into the slot and angled the viewer at blue cotton sky, toward the ledge where The Old Man once presided. “There he is, Mia. If you hold this just right, you can see him. Just like before.”

I pressed my face against icy green steel and squinted. The actual, living mountain appeared in vivid relief, but the shimmering outline of Old Man at the cliff’s edge was only a shadow, a reconstruction by those determined to remember. I leaned away to examine the actual granite notch, then squinted into the viewfinder again.

My father’s hand warmed my shoulder. I longed to see what he saw, to reconcile the disparate images. But no matter how often I refocused, Great Stone Face remained a gauzy relic.

That day at the overlook, I had my first grown-up thought: the real Old Man was just a pile of dust somewhere.

End of Part 2. To Be Continued.

Missed Part 1 of “Still Life?” Catch up here.